Late Night Coffee

In celebration of Mother’s Day…I bring you this post.

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I would like to personally thank Pinterest in helping to raise the bar in the crafts department.  Without it, we may still be thumbing through books such as this…..

Now this certainly looks like it could hold some pretty solid baby gift ideas….just ignore the creepy clown  doll on the cover.

Well…well, well. What do we have here?  Could this be the ever useful purse with a “cat-faced-sausage-link-tail-and-a-no-rhyme-or-reason-diamond-on-it’s-body” creature on it?  Perfect! No one will dare pay attention to her swollen ankles, stretch marks, and varicose veins with this little number in her hand.

Oh look….it’s Office Depot meets Babies R Us meets the craft vendor at a hemp festival.  Useful and annoyingly hideous all in one!  Just perfect for the new mom.

“Look into my bird eye…you are getting sleepy baby…sleepy baby..slee…What? Why are crying?”

This book should seriously have put a chapter in called “Creepy-Eyed Gifts for Baby & Mom”.  This is just one of the few nightmare inducing gift ideas….

Here’s another….(the quality of this workmanship is OUTSTANDING!). Who wouldn’t want this after carrying around a human for nine months?????!!!

And these lovelies….

“The Shining” called.  They want their dolls back.

The directions literally say “…the button eyes and nose are stitched under the face,covered by a piece of fabric…”.

The mother-to-be will be so impressed with your concern over the baby’s safety…she’ll display them proudly in the back corner of the shelf in the closet….. or inside the used diaper bin.

This one I was really impressed with in the book. Not so much it’s “craft worthiness” but the sheer cluelessness it would take to present this to an expecting mother.

The example phrases  “To think she was once so thin…” and “Glad I’m not in her shoes!” and “It’s a wonder a person ever gets thru it!” are sure to just delight her.

But don’t get me wrong…while I wouldn’t give this…I certainly wouldn’t mind watching the the volcano-like  “smackdown” that the gift-giver got from nine months of pent-up raging hormones.

And finally…this little number.

Nothing says “Gift From My Kitchen Junk Drawer” like a butterfly mobile made from pipe cleaners, clothespins, and random pieces of thin fabric.

Oh wait….

…..ALL of these say that.

If you like “looking” through old craft magazines with a bit of snark….here’s one…and another one…you might enjoy!