Here they are:
1. You are up late at night wondering why someone hasn’t opened a 24 hour thrift store.
2. You walk through Target/Kohl’s/The Taj Mahal and think “I totally could find this stuff for a $1.00 at a garage sale.”
3. Your in-laws catch you turning over a vase in their living room for markings…and it doesn’t phase you. Nor does the fact that its an urn.
4. You see yourself finally getting organized with a shelf, some baskets, and a box of pens…your neighbor sees you digging through their trash at 6:00 am.
5. After some serious pondering during your early morning drives, the super hero powers you have thought about wanting would be 1) “Splitmation” that splits yourself into hundreds of “you”.. so you could be at ALL the sales at the same time. 2) “Bright Light Vision” that spotlights all the valuable items …just for you. 3) “Reverse Time Action” that makes the person put back the items you were just minutes away from grabbing.
6. You are a math whiz. You can calculate the money you have in your wallet, divide it by the retro dishes on the table, minus the amount you still need to buy milk & bread, add the amount you have in your car console, and multiply it by the anxiety you will have if…you…don’t…buy…them…now.
7. You could be running late for the airport, a business meeting…your wedding…and you would still stop at a yard sale along the way.
8. You could have already won an Oscar with the amount of seriousness you use to proclaim every week: “I’m DEFINITELY not going out this weekend…I’ve got too much stuff!”….with a straight face.
9. Your 7 year old son, Chris, comes home with a note addressed “To the Parents of Brian B.”…because that is what’s Sharpied on his shirts….lunchbox….and socks.
10. Your friends are all amazed at how you win at Jenga every single time….until they see your car.